Attraction is obviously an important part of a relationship, but in the long-term, knowing and understanding your partner plays a larger role in the success of your relationship. Getting to know your partner means more than knowing their favorite color or their coffee order.
You probably don’t want to spring too many deep questions on a first date where you’re just getting to know someone else. Once you’re planning for a future with someone (or even if you’re already all in), you’ll need to know more about who they are as a person so that you can build a relationship that is as solid as possible.
You need to know all of the fun parts about each other, the music that they secretly listen to, the first movie they remember watching, their college nickname, but couples also need to take time to understand each other’s hopes, fears, and method of moving through life.
Here are some questions to ask each other. You don’t necessarily have to ask them all or if you do, it doesn’t have to be all at once. Some of the issues that the questions bring up are deep, but if you are planning to spend a significant portion of your life with someone else, you will be better off if you take the time to truly know each other.
- How would the people who know you describe you?
- What causes you to feel stressed?
- How do you deal with being worried or stressed?
- Describe your perfect day.
- What accomplishments are you most proud of?
- How do you make decisions?
- What is one thing that you are looking forward to?
- What would you do if you had 48 hours to do anything that you want?
- What makes you happy?
- What is one thing that is going well in your life right now?
- Who are the people that are most supportive of you?
- What do you spend too much money on?
- Who are you when you are with your family?
- What is your favorite way to communicate?
- Which couples real or fictional do you admire?
- What do you like most about yourself?
- What areas of your life do you want to change?
- How important is being independent to you?
- What expectations do you have for the future?
- What parts of your past play the biggest role in who you are today?
- How are you taking care of your health?
- What makes you feel insecure?
- Describe the person you want to be.
- How comfortable are you asking for help?
- What do you turn to when things feel out of control?
- Has anything seriously upset you in the past year?
- What are you excited for us to do together?
- What do you do when you feel hurt by others?
- What makes you feel safe in a relationship?
- How can you tell that I love you?